remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
