I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just high enough for therapy.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
