Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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