Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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