honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
