Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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