i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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