I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
