I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
