I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
