Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
