went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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