Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
