Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
