Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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