Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
