my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
