we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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