question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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