I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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