its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
