Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
