You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
