I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
