I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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