Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
