At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
