My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
