So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
