I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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