They should really pass out barf bags in church
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
