So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
