if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Life is so much better after having sex.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
