Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
