Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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