What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
