so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
