im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
