SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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