As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
