dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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