In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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