He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
