You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
