i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
