so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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