Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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