Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
