my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We need a shit load of segways right now
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
