...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
