pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
