I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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